


Gamophobia

by shizutans



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Fuck Buddies to Lovers, Hysteria, Love Confession, M/M, is basically the story here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 02:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5112998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizutans/pseuds/shizutans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Reality won't stop for anyone. You must keep moving at all times or you'll be trampled upon. It's a predatory world, after all. The weak will either stop and lose everything or constantly pretend they're winning." </p><p>"That sounds stupid."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gamophobia

"Reality won't stop for anyone. You must keep moving at all times or you'll be trampled upon. It's a predatory world, after all. The weak will either stop and lose everything or constantly pretend they're winning."

"That sounds stupid."

"The truth is however you perceive it. Doesn't change the fact that it's true, Shizu-chan." Izaya replied calmly, eyes closed as he leaned into the breeze.

Ikebukuro's rooftop ledges were one of the most satisfying places to sit. He could see it all at once from this height— even the suppressed chaos crawling within countless humans as they bustled along below, running around in circles like clueless ants. Watching society distract themselves from their pitiful lives through terrible habits and shallow excuses was much too fun.

No matter what day or time, there was always something new and delightful to see just around the corner. This city never slept.

Shizuo, on the other hand, didn't seem quite as ecstatic about it as Izaya. He stood a few feet behind him, cigarette in hand and glare directed at the back of his head. Tufts of smoke escaped his lips.

"So which one are you?" He muttered in annoyance.

Izaya frowned. What's with that? He liked it better when Shizuo was standing there quietly.

"Why are you so quick to assume I'm one of the two? That's insulting, you know."

Shizuo dropped his cigarette, grinding it into the concrete with the sole of his shoe. He began walking towards Izaya, a dicey look in his eyes. "You know what I think?"

"I don't particularly care. Wasn't aware you thought at all, actually." Izaya jeered, standing up to face Shizuo. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet smoothly, deft hands in the pockets of his fur-trimmed coat. 

"I think your flea-ridden bastard self is just pretending. You're too damn scared to even face yourself, so you go around acting like an asshole trying to piss me off and shit the second we get personal, just like yesterday!"

"This again? You're like a 5 year old who can't let go of its candy." Izaya sighed.

He had gotten too close to Shizuo last night, that's all. Izaya adored flirting with danger, not being stuck at the very end of it. The brute should understand it was in Izaya's own right to leave. This was just sex, after all. If he had to label it, perhaps enemies with benefits would suffice. It hadn't furthered their relationship, it wasn't intimate or romantic, and it especially didn't involve the calling of Shizuo's name or tender caresses.

Whether he was attempting to convince himself of this or state a fact is something Izaya chose not to dwell on.

There was a strange pause, and suddenly Shizuo had a mocking, crazed grin on his face, eyes sharp and biting with repressed anger as he slammed his fist just above Izaya’s head, caving in the wall behind him.

Izaya twitched. 

He hadn't been expecting that. Despite all signs pointing to an upcoming violent course of action. Strange. Perhaps he was losing his touch...?

He smirked weakly, pushing his thoughts aside for the moment. He fingered at the switch blade in his pocket, gaze narrowed. “What, are you trying to scare me— ”

"You just don't wanna face it, right?" Shizuo's grin widened, if that was even possible. His voice was just a low murmur, but it was dangerous and rough all the same. "‘Cause you’re afraid it’ll fuck you up. But if I do then you'll have to, so shut up and listen to me." 

Izaya's face fell. The air felt sour and uncomfortable. "You really are disgusting. Why don't you go tell your _lovely_ brother about it instead?" He replied, voice forewarning and cold.

"Why should I!?"

"I’ve overestimated you. I should have known a lonely monster like you wouldn’t understand. It’s an illusion humans create for themselves to cope with reality; pathetic, _can't you see_?" Even as he spoke, he recognized the hypocrisy in his own words. Or was it truly hypocrisy? Perhaps he directed these words towards himself more than anyone else.

"You don't know that!" Shizuo growled in frustration, slamming his fist against the now severely damaged wall again. More bills to pay. "Izaya, I—"

"Don't."

"—love you, for fuck's sake! You can't tell me that's not real!"

Izaya recoiled violently, pointing his switchblade directly at Shizuo's jugular in one swift motion. His eyes were wild, hatred and disgust spilling forth, jaw clenching as his frame trembled in what could only be described as fear.

Ah, so that's what it was.

Fear.

Pure, unadulterated terror in response to the way Shizuo had so easily shoved through his rib cage time and time again, the way he had seized his heart by force and sewed strings within.

Who gave him the right? Who gave Shizuo the fucking right to rip all control from his grasp, after so carefully cultivating it for years? Izaya never agreed to this, never allowed him to do so. The world had always played by his rules, and yet even when aware of this, Shizuo had defied them all.

And now, everything had been recklessly laid out in the open. Denial was no longer an option, and any other means of escape had abandoned Izaya. All because this brute suddenly felt the need to solidify the reality of it all. How? How did this _happen_? Izaya's foundation had been as easily shaken as any other humans in the end, and to top it all off, it only took three words. His own heart was a puppet all along and he had never once noticed. He was no longer the user, but the used.

Oscar Wilde had once said, "People are either charming or tedious." Shizuo was neither. He was simply there. Always there ruining _everything_.

How rotten. How cruel. 

How interesting.

He wanted to throw up.

Shizuo tensed, but the chocolate eyes burning through Izaya's skin never once wavered. There was hurt and anger, desperation swirling within. Izaya applied pressure, his knife slowly breaking open Shizuo's pale skin, displaying a rivulet of blood before him. Somehow, it seemed to hurt the informant more than Shizuo himself, despite the others wince.

Izaya must be losing his mind. Yes, his head would be splitting in two at any moment now, he was sure of it!

The pain would be absolutely insatiable.

Izaya's shoulders shook as he withdrew his switchblade from its threatening position.

"Pfft—! Ha...haha....hahahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

With a front row seat to Izaya's unraveling, Shizuo stood frozen, staring on in shock. Chills ran down his spine as he slowly backed away, the unsettling feeling writhing in his stomach solidifying. He was certain Izaya had finally snapped.

While Shizuo had no limits in strength, Izaya had absolutely no limitations when it came to corruption and madness. It was precisely why he needed to be careful. Fuck. Why, out of everyone, did he choose _Izaya_?

Clearly at a loss for what to do, Shizuo attempted to stutter out _something_ in disarray. "H-Hey, Izaya—"

He only laughed harder.

Izaya's right hand was placed on his forehead, the other clutching his stomach as his head tilted upwards in body shaking hysterics. He slumped down against the wall, weak in the knees and gasping for air. He laughed and laughed and laughed until he was red in the face, because if he didn't there would only be tears, and that had never really been his style.

No, cowards laughed.

Soon enough, laughter would fade into silence.

And in said silence, hiding the ruins of his smile within his palms, only a coward would say,

"You really _shouldn't_."

**Author's Note:**

> Tfw you try to finish a school project and somehow end up writing Izaya having a mental breakdown. 
> 
> I tried tapping into Izaya's twisted point of view a little more this time because it's something I absolutely love writing! I feel like he definitely has a fear of commitment and/or the possibility of falling in love with an individual, so I hope I did well in that aspect and you enjoyed it!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments are greatly appreciated. You can find me on Tumblr [here](http://shizutans.tumblr.com).


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